Posted by: Me on: November 23, 2009
There are certain inevitable truths that parents must learn when raising their children:
So, why am I bringing this up, you may ask? Because in the past year, as my daughter becomes more comfortable in her role as a teenager, she has thrown me some curveballs. She is a great young lady, and I am extremely proud of her. BUT I have had to accept some truths about her, with the most important truth being that I must accept her as she is.
A year ago, my daughter announced that she was an atheist. My disappointing reaction to her announcement affected her deeply (which was, “Honey, are you sure? Why can’t you call yourself agnostic? The term atheist sounds so…final.”). Whenever she talks about my non-acceptance of her views of religion, she cries. No parent can stand to see their children cry, but when YOU are the cause of a child’s pain, well, THAT is unbearable.
Last night we had a conversation about it again, and she expressed how sorry she was to “disappoint” me. It really made me think. Had she really disappointed me? No, not really. I am not religious and I am agnostic (I don’t necessarily believe nor disbelieve in God).
I apologized for hurting her, and explained why I initially reacted that way. And while I was trying to assure her that I love and accept her just the way she is, I had a moment of enlightenment myself. It wasn’t necessarily her atheism that bothered me (I did marry a Humanist, after all), it was the feeling that I somehow had failed as a parent.
What would the other mothers think if they knew my daughter was an atheist? What did I do wrong? What could I have done to avoid this? Why me? It was a very self-centered reaction, and as my therapist would say, it was the reaction of someone with self-esteem issues.
The answer, of course, to these questions were answered by my very wise daughter. There is nothing I could have done. She is who she is: A young lady with thoughts, beliefs and opinions of her own.
During the conversation, she told me that she knew she was an atheist when she was about six years old. She prayed nightly, mostly because she felt she needed to, but she didn’t get the enlightenment she sought. She just didn’t believe. Just as she didn’t believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny because in her heart she knew they didn’t exist.
I asked her if it was the divorce that made her lose her faith. As the words came out of my mouth, I was afraid of her answer. However, she assured me that she didn’t believe in God long before the separation and divorce. She continued to tell me that because her father and I were so open about religion, and encouraged her to learn about all religions - Eastern and Western religions – that it opened her mind to all possibilities.
We taught her about the foundations of all of the major religions, and illustrated the importance of practicing religious tolerance. We toyed with the idea of become Buddhists, her father studied Eastern religions, we considered sending her to Catholic school. We discussed the importance of Christ’s resurrection to Christianity. We explored the similarities among Judiasm, Islam and Christianity. We learned about Hinduism and went to museums and learned about ancient Greek and Roman mythology. We wanted our daughter to have an open mind about all religions, so when she decided how she was going to express her spirituality, she would be well-informed so she could make the decision that was right for her.
Apparently, we did our jobs as parents, because she did make the decision that was right for her. She chose atheism. It may not be right for me, but it is her decision. And I accept her for who she is and the decisions she’s made. Because that’s my job.
Posted by: Me on: November 21, 2009
When I started this blog, I made a pact to myself that I would not blog about work. I will talk about my personal life in greater detail than I have told any of my friends (although they read this), but my place of business is forbidden territory. Until now…
2009 has been an extremely challenging year: Four people (out of 10 employees, including the boss lady) have quit; a group of us risked our jobs by going above the boss’ head and voicing our concerns to the chairman of the board; we went through a company-wide mediation (which didn’t work, by the way); we went through a ”realignment” (a fancy way of saying restructuring); and in our weekly staff meetings many tears have been shed, voices raised and arguments instigated. In other words, I work in a hostile environment.
Now, I like my job (just not the workplace). I like my co-workers (well, almost all of them). I like that it takes me 10 minutes to get to work, and that I work a mile away from my daughter’s school. But I can’t take the physical and emotional strain this job is weighing not just on me, but on my co-workers. It’s sad to see a group of people, who for the most part are/were positive and upbeat, now collectively look defeated and miserable.
I didn’t make the decision hastily when I decided to look for a new job. A part of me doesn’t welcome the idea of a much longer commute and a return to the rush hour rate race; but, I just can’t take working in a toxic environment. So, I’m back on the job market.
In an odd twist of fate, Dude called me out of the blue today, right as I was getting ready for a job interview. I told him about the job, and he said he knew many people at “the company.” He told me was going to make a phone call and tell them to hire me.
When I arrived at my interview, the first thing the interviewer said was that Dude left her a voice mail with his recommendation for me. Now it’s up to me to land the job. So I am keeping my fingers crossed, trying to stay positive and throwing my wish and want into the universe (back to that Law of Attraction).
The Law of Attraction hasn’t worked 100% for me, but it allows me to experience a teeny, tiny bit of my desires, before I do something to F#$% it up. Which reminds me, exactly one year ago tonight, Dude and I went from “just friends” to “more than friends.” Something that makes me smile, then sad.
Oh, well. Perhaps I will get this job, which will take me out of the suburbs and into the city, where I will meet Mr. Right … or better yet, Mr. Right Now.
Posted by: Me on: November 4, 2009
I have so much to tell you, and so little time (or inspiration) to actually sit down and write, so the next few posts are a tad bit late. As they say, better late than never…
Last week Dude invited me to be his guest at a work-related dinner he was attending. The dinner was on a Monday, he asked me (via e-mail) at 11:34 p.m. the Sunday before, and I didn’t read the e-mail until Monday morning (but thank goodness I did). Of course, I accepted his invitation. He apologized profusely for the last-minute invitation, and explained that he just “zoned” on the fact that he could bring a guest. (“You were the only person I asked,” he assured me. “I don’t care if I was the first or the last person; I’m just glad you asked,” I replied.)
He swung by my place to pick me up, and I warned him from the get-go that I was a little tipsy (we had a team building event at work that afternoon, which involved adult beverages!). His response was something to the effect of: “I always like my dates to be tipsy at the beginning of the night…” or something like that (remember this happened 10 days ago, and I was a little tipsy).
So, here’s the deal. This is the first time ever that he’s invited me to attend an event with him. We’ve gone out just the two of us many times before. But this was a social event. There were OTHER people there. For once, I felt completely relaxed, was able to eat and be myself. I had conversations with the other folks at the table, and I didn’t have to be necessarily witty or even interesting. I held my own, and was doing a darn good job at it. (During an IM chat I had with Dude tonight, he told me that I was “engaging during dinner” and was “well liked” – he also said that I was “loved.” Yeah, by everyone except HIM and that really sucks!)
During dinner, we sampled each other’s entrees, he made sure my wine glass was always full, and we even had a quick, yet clandestine, chat about some crazy e-mail he received during dinner. But alas, at the end of the night, all I got was the patented Dude Hug-Kiss Combo.
A couple of days later, he posted pictures from the dinner onto Facebook, including one that he took of me (which I actually like). The caption read: My dear friend, X. *SIGH*
What took me aback, however, was not that he posted the pic (although I was wondering if he would, since I often feel that our “relationship” is a secret one – especially since we have MANY mutual acquaintances). It was a comment posted by one of his FB friends, whom I do not know. She wrote: “Thanks for posting. I’m glad ‘X’ was able to join you.”
WTF?!? So many questions were running through my head. How did she know that I went as his guest? How did she know that he asked me to go to the dinner with him? She doesn’t even know me, how did my name come up?
There are so many things about Dude that I will never know or understand. Perhaps the one mystery is why, after NINE FRIGGIN’ MONTHS, do I still have feelings for him?
As I write this, I am reminded that today is the one year anniversary of when things started to turn around for us. We shared election night, embraced when Obama won, and experienced a platonic night that lead to what was to become two months of the most blissful, stressful and heart breaking months of my single life.
It’s been 17 months since I first discovered these feelings I have for Dude, and after several movies, many dinners, several cups of coffee, a handful of kisses and moments of intimacy, these feelings are stronger than ever. And that, my friends, is what REALLY sucks!
UPDATE: My horoscope for Thursday, November 5th is very promising: “A new romance or a revitalization of a current one is very likely about this time.” I am hoping that history WILL repeat itself. This time, however, I will be smarter about it, yet a bit more seductive.
UPDATE (Nov. 8th) – My horoscope today made me laugh. Then it scared me. Hold me… “Sex and money count for plenty now, maybe a little too much. Wanting something or someone seems to take on special importance for you, just take caution because it may even be obsession. Try to distinguish between wants, needs, and obsessive desire before making a move on anyone.”
